Sunset Ranch

3400 N. Beachwood Dr., Los Angeles, CA

While I was taking one of my little breaks on the patio of my awesome Airbnb in the Mid City section of L.A. I started to peruse through the guest books. The owners encouraged the writing of recommendations to future guests. Most of it was touristy crap, but one caught my eye “Horseback Riding in the Hollywood Hills” hmmmmm. I remember thinking, I have nothing to do tomorrow morning. I typically try to avoid drinking until at least noon when out here, I’m always looking for morning stuff to do to fill that time of early temptation. Sunset Ranch, huh? I checked the website, found it was like sixty bucks, I can handle that. Fuck it, why not? I booked right through the website on my phone, chose a 10:30am ride and I was off to the races, well at least a slow amble alongside a deep ravine. I’ve done a similar ride near Vegas once before and all I could think of is, damn, I hope horses don’t get suicidal. I mean, c’mon- dumb tourists riding them all day, jamming their heels into their sides constantly…why wouldn’t one just say fuck it, I’m done and take a leap. I guess something to do with animals and reasoning abilities? That’s what I’ll tell myself for comfort.

The next day, I woke up, drove over to Philz Coffee in Culver City, conveniently located next to a place called Pop’s Bagels and contrary to what people say, you can get a decent bagel outside of New York City, Pop’s proved that. I discovered Philz Coffee in San Francisco many years ago and it was honestly the best coffee I’d ever had. I was thrilled to find that they had expanded and were in L.A. and made a point to stop by while I was out there and it did not disappoint. Single-cup brewing and all that. Seriously good jo.

I popped a 10mg gummy and made my way to the hills. Honestly, one of my favorite things to do out here is just drive through the Hollywood Hills. It’s like no place on earth, tiny curvy streets, tropical trees everywhere, fancy cars, houses hanging on cliff-sides, interesting architecture, it’s honestly surreal. You can drive up to Mulholland Drive, which is at the top of the hills and pull over at one of the viewpoints and just take it all in. Simply an incredible experience. It’s actually the first thing I did when I got here, well after grabbing a couple quick tacos, checking into my Airbnb and stopping at a cannabis dispensary, of course.

Following my GPS, the street eventually ended at a steel gate with a call box. sunsetranchhollywood.com After pressing the button and speaking my business, I was given instructions and the gate slowly trundled open. I drove up, parked where I was directed and made my way, on foot, up the rest of the way. I was presented with a corral of sorts, lined with a platform and railing, on which hung like a hundred goofy looking safety helmets, going from small to large.

There were like 10 or so tourists on horses, all wearing these helmets, while nervously sitting on their horses and being instructed by one of the ranch hands. These ranch hands were of two varieties, vaqueros and really hot (and incredibly talented, of course) female equestrians that all looked to be about 22. I like this place. Some of the people’s horses were trying to mill about, but most were behaving and eventually with much attention and instruction from the hands, they all began to meander, single-file, up a path that curled up this hill and disappeared out of sight.

The other members of the 10:30 club began to trickle in and finally we were given instruction, such as, pull the reins to the right or left to go either of those ways, pull back to stop and there was even one action that would put the horse in reverse, that however, was not recommended, it being a higher level command and god forbid we backed off a mountain. We were made to put on the funny (and really uncomfortable) helmets, assigned horses (coincidentally, I got Tracer, which happens to be the model of my motorcycle..I took it as a sign, not sure if bad or good though, because either of these Tracers could kill me by going over a cliff), and one by one we saddled up. Soon we were all in that spot where the other group was when I arrived and finally with amazing instructions by one of the friendly vaqueros, we too rode up that hill.

The trail broke into an amazing view looking over the hills and out across this vast city with the Downtown Los Angeles cluster of skyscrapers visible in the middle of it all. Tracer was well behaved and he kept me safe as we walked, single-file along a wide gravel path. Occasionally a horse would step out of line, try to eat something dangerously close to the edge of the canyon or just get a little frisky and feel like trotting a little, but the vaqueros and beautiful cowgirls always got them back together. It’s incredible how clearly they were able to communicate with the horses, so efficiently, with a combination of practiced sounds, words, pats and just generally sending love, like telepathically to these gorgeous animals.

We rode past the fabled HOLLYWOOD sign and at one point one of the vaqueros rode by and offered to take pics of me on horseback, with my camera, to help preserve the memory. Which was nice, but pic or no, I’ll remember this always.